I found out a few weeks ago that my mom has stage 4 cancer. It hit us all like a brick in the face. She was not sick, or losing weight, or having any issues medically. She thought she might have broken a rib, but with further testing they told her that she had cancer spots on her liver, lungs, stomach, and lower abdomen area where her ovaries used to be. They do not know what kind of cancer or where it started. She was in the hospital for a few weeks but is now at home trying to go through treatments each week. I live 1500 miles away. We travelled to see her over the 4th of July, and leaving her was extremely hard. Those friends closest to me were very kind and understanding of how hard it was for me to leave knowing how sick she was in the hospital.
Since finding out about her cancer, I have contacted many people to just make them aware of what is going on in my life. It is a stressful thing to go through. And I honestly have good days and bad days realizing that my mom could die sooner rather than later in my life. All of my female grandparents lived to be around 95 on my moms side of the family. They just are long life people. Which made me always just take for granted that my mom would be here for me forever pretty much.
I have noticed that despite my posting a few times with Facebook updates about my mom, and a few times saying how stressed out I am with dealing… there are many people who have yet to say a word to me. There are people that I was there for when they needed a friend, but they are nowhere to be found. And it's Facebook, you see them posting silly photos of their kids and stupid stuff every day. You know they are online and seeing things that you say. They "like" random photos that I post, but they will not "like" or comment on the things I say about my mom or my own feeling of it all.
Every single time I mention my mom being sick to a perfect stranger helping me buy something in a store or take care of something during my day… they are ALWAYS so nice and ask how she is doing and they even ask how I am doing with it all. Strangers. People who I do not know their name (unless on a name tag) and they do not know my name. They treat me with such a kindness and a sense of reaching out to say, "I'm so sorry that you are going through something, that is terrible!" Yet I still am waiting for people who know me to reach out in any way at all.
Maybe that is on me to think a person owes me a word of sympathy. Maybe I should not put too much thought into the fact that they are unable to say to me anything at all. I will still be there for them if needed. I will still reach out and want to make them feel comforted if they needed a friend. I am not tainted by their inability to reach out to me.
Yet I do find myself wondering why they are so quiet. Do they fear that they will need to say more than just a simple comment on Facebook, so do not even get it started? Perhaps they think I have enough people in my life that I will not notice them ignoring my pain and not reaching out?
Do you find it easier to tell a stranger comforting words than you do a friend - even a casual aquaintence?
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