A person without faith, can they truly understand how to forgive?

This is my first blog entry online in about 3 years. I used to blog every single day. I love to write, but had a bad experience a few years ago and deleted all of my blogs. So, today I am taking the plunge to write again. I can not guarantee that people will always agree with me, nor should they. But I do not plan to run away so easily this time. ;-)


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Recently I learned that someone very close to me doesn't really believe in God or an afterlife. This came as sort of a shock to me. I have known this person for 21 years. I have had a few conversations with them about their beliefs and things, but nothing too deep to ever really know what they thought. So when they came right out and answered a question from another person in the room, my mouth dropped a bit to hear them say they didn't really believe in anything at all. They think this life is their one life and so that is it for them. I do not judge their belief! I just have always thought that we were on the same page in our beliefs about God and the universe. This info did however slightly change something in me, how i viewed them (just a little bit) on how they act on one subject.

This person has never been able to forgive and move on from things. Maybe it is just who they are inside? They hold on and they grow angry and bitter. They seem to get more angry over time instead of less angry. I on the other hand love to forgive people a little too much. People can hurt me really deeply and after I have time to feel the anger and hurt over the action, I will forgive the person - even if they do not ask me for forgiveness. If a person comes right to me and tells me that they are sorry for what they have done, I am more likely to forgive them in an instant. This doesn't make me a better person than those who can not forgive, just different.

I have been thinking about the fact that this person has not forgiven me for something that I said. It was months ago, like 5 months ago, and they are still holding onto the anger. It wasn't even a horrible thing that I said to them. I accused them of something hypothetical. Not even a real thing. You know how you say to someone in a random conversation, "yeah I could see you doing that!" It wasn't even real, the situation we discussed, it was fictional, futuristic, none existent, and pure fantasy… but still I sit here after saying sorry more times than I should have, and I wait for their forgiveness.

This got me thinking about why I personally forgive people. I do it because of my faith in God and the universal belief that to be forgiven yourself, you must be able to forgive people. I believe that God forgives us for being human and understands that we make mistakes. It is how we were created I suppose. We live our life, we screw up, and those we harm along the way - we ask them for forgiveness. You either forgive them or you do not forgive based on the nature and depth of the action. I can understand a wife not forgiving her husband for cheating on her. I can understand a person not forgiving a person for killing a loved one, even if by accident. But I have never understood people who can not forgive words.

I love words. I live for them really. They sort of turn me on ;-) Kidding… just a little bit. I believe that the written word can give a person hope. Or it can tear a person down. It can make a grown man cry. It can turn a heart into loving a person. Or it can end a relationship. It can even change a life. Yet the spoken word is even more powerful with the inflections and speech patterns of the individual human speaking them. You can SHOUT... or you can whisper softly to a person. You can use your hands to caress a persons face, or to stick your finger in their face. The spoken word can be much harsher than the written word, so you should choose what you say carefully. A lesson I learn almost daily with my Irish temper!

Not everyone was born with the gift of "shut the hell up!" and so they have a problem with the spoken word. I am just one such person. When I speak myself into a corner, I can not shut up. I will talk and try to find my way back out, but at times when I keep talking I end up saying way more than I should have ever said. Sometimes it comes off as stupid, and so I look like an ass. Sometimes it comes off as harsh, and so I then look like a bitch. And other times… those rare times when I just can not find the off switch… I offend a person with my spoken word in the heat of a discussion or argument. I tend to need to be forgiven more often than not after a heated argument. My mouth works much faster than my brain!

This is the case I find myself in right now. I said something that hypothetically/futuristically attacked their character, and the person will not forgive me. They hold onto the anger, and resent that I could ever think they would do such a thing as I described of them in the talk. This make believe scenario talk from months ago. I can only apologize so much, so now I must wait to see if they cool off - or find a path to understanding what forgiveness is in life.

But this leads me back to the ever important topic in my mind today… Can a person who has no faith in God or faith in anything beyond themselves truly understand what forgiveness is in life? If you have no faith in anything then are you drawn to the same feelings of guilt and shame of the all mighty God? When I do wrong, I ask God for forgiveness. I ask the universe to forgive me. I seek out forgiveness from anyone who might have even been harmed in the crossfire. It makes me feel better knowing that the person knows that I am not perfect and that I am sorry for my action/words. Does a person who believes only in themselves and their life being all there is for them… do they understand that same feeling of needing to forgive a person? This question has been bugging me all day today.

What do you think? Is forgiveness a religious thing or just a people thing that makes us feel better?